Making up for the years I spent ruining the Ozone!

 I love hair spray.  Its a southern thing maybe!  But in my recent decision to try to live earth friendly, after reading about what is in chemical hair spray,. I began searching the internet and books for more natural hair sprays.  This is my all time favorite hair spray.  Now it is not going to give you helmet head!  But your hair smells great, and you get a flexible hold that lasts all day!

 

Citrus-Lavender Hairspray

• 1 orange or lemon
• 2 cups water
• 1/4 cup  clear grain alcohol (vodka, gin, etc.) (I do not recommend using rubbing alcohol, as it is drying on hair/scalp, and has been linked to some negative health effects.)
• 6-8 drops of lavender essential oil

Step 1

Cut a whole orange or lemon into wedges and combine with 2 cups water in a small pot. Boil over medium high heat and reduce liquid by half.

Step 2

Strain liquid through cheesecloth into a measuring cup. If you boiled too much liquid out add water until you have 1 cup. Allow citrus juice to cool.

Step 3

Add alcohol and essential oils to the cup of citrus juice. (Feel free to experiment with your favorite essential oil or leave them out altogether.)

Step 4

Use a funnel to pour into a spray bottle (at least 10 oz.). Shake gently before each use.

A few things to note…

This is not a maximum hold hairspray that will freeze a prom up-do or 80′s bangs. I can say with confidence that it’s a flexible hold formula. I was a loyal user of firm hold hairspray for years before trying this formula… now I PREFER this to my old sprays.
This formula has been tested on my brownish/red/light brown/ depends on the time of year and sunlight  hair. Use an orange for darker hair, and lemons only if your hair is light-colored. There is a chance the lemon can lighten your hair when exposed to sunlight.
Grab the orange or lemon sitting in your fruit bowl and give this hairspray a whirl.

50 Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey = Disney Porn

If Walt Disney were to animate "The Story of O", I think it would be exactly like the "Fifty Shades of Grey" series.

Since I was young, whatever book I started reading, I finished.  There is one exception, "The Ruins" by Scott Smith, what a dismal piece of crapola  that book is!  Since there are three books in the "Fifty Shades" series, I felt compelled to read them all.  I'm glad I didn't have to buy but one.

While Ms. James writing improves somewhat by the second book, I can't help but visualize a Disney princess and prince.  C'mon! Anastasia and Christian - those are Disney names if I ever heard one!  The books are quite improbable, even for fiction.  Nonetheless, they are addictive in an "I-don't-need-my-brain-to-read-this" way.  Easy, uncomplicated reads for when you need a break from reality.

What I don't understand is all the hoopla about the BDSM aspects of the books.  There is hardly any.  I've read harder and more erotic sex scenes in  Laurell K. Hamilton, "Anita Blake" books . Granted most of the sex in those books is with vampires and werewolves, but still, Ms. Hamilton writes raunchy, rough and kinky with delicious descriptiveness.  E.L. James, not so much.  There's lots of talk about sadism, bondage, submissiveness, dominance in the "Fifty Shades" series but not much that type action.  Don't get me wrong, there's scads of sex going on, Anastasia and Christian, screw around  like rabbits in heat, but it's romantic, loving sex for the most part.  Dreamy sex between two perfect people with perfect bodies that haven't hit 30 yet!

That a man of 27 years old could be a Master Dominant AND a Captain of Industry was the first clue that Ms. James books were not going to be mind-bending.  The second was that the heroine was 21 years old, flat-out gorgeous and was still a virgin!  Hello, Disney?  (Okay, I'm a jaded old witch!)  What intrigued me was that these books became, mostly by word of mouth, HUGE bestsellers because of the BDSM and/or sex. Seriously, what were all these women reading before?  Did they never pick up a "bodice ripper" at the supermarket or check out Henry Miller or D.H. Lawrence at Barnes & Noble?  Did they only ever read "Fan Fiction"? While I'm puzzled about all the fuss, I'm happy women are reading something!

The "The Fifty Shades" series didn't arouse me, it amused me.  I'm not a Disney fan, except for the villains and they don't turn me on, either!  In my opinion, the attraction to the books is that they stir remembrance of "first love".  Anastasia and Christian are young, beautiful, they have their whole future ahead of them and they are totally in love with each other.  They have the kind of relationship that happens, if we're lucky, once in a lifetime.  It could be that women are jumping men's bones because reading "Fifty Shades of Grey" reignites the fire they want to rekindle or starts the spark they've always dreamed about.  It could be they want the happily ever after, (Cue - singing cartoon birds and squirrels) if only for a few moments.

Get your Ice Cream!

It is hotter than Hell outside, well maybe  Hell is a little hotter, and what do we want when it is hot?? ICE CREAM! What about your best buddy spot??  Dogs love ice cream.BUT human ice cream is like so many things, BAD for dogs.The sugars and fats are more than Fido needs.  Now you can be all fancy and go buy the gourmet dog ice cream that some of  your grocery stores sell. Then you can be all hoity-toity and looking down your nose at the next person in line and loudly state that "FeFe only eats the best!". If I am the person in line I am going to laugh my butt off at you dropping $8 for 4 little cups of dog ice cream, when in my cart, for less than 5$ I have the makings for 1/2 a gallon of frozen heaven for my furry buds.  I have been working on some ice cream recipes with in put from my local Veterinarian. Sarge and Doppler have sacrificed themselves and agreed to test each one.  Here we go:



Yogurt is a safe substitute for milk. The probiotics are great for your dog's digestive health, and this "good bacteria" breaks down most of the lactose when it is cultured.

Sugar is not safe for dogs, but bananas, berries, apples, and other dog safe fruits can substitute in to make a sweet treat for your dog. A small amount of honey can sweeten the frosty paws while still being healthy for your dog- and is a great way to make the treat beloved by kids and pets! Keep in mind that your dog won't mind if it's sweet. Savory flavors can be added with low sodium chicken or beef broth, peanut butter, or even, if you are brave enough to prepare it, liver.

Eggs- Dogs love eggs, and eggs are a fantastically nutritious treat. If you blend your Dog Ice Cream, toss an raw egg in the blender! (Though some dogs may object to the texture, if your eggs are organic- include the shell for a boost of calcium that mimics what your pet would get by crunching raw bones in nature)

Nanny Nutter Pawsome Nuggets!

Ingredients
3-4 ripe bananas
32 ounces plain yogurt (I used lowfat)
1 cup peanut butter (organic if you have it)

 The ice cream just takes a minute to make. Toss the bananas, peanut butter, and yogurt into a blender and blend until it’s mixed.

"Is it ready yet?"

Next, pour the mixture into ice trays. You’ll need about five or six ice trays for this amount. (If you don’t have that many available, just pour some of the mixture into a plastic zippered bag and toss it in the freezer to break up when you’re ready to serve.)

Pop the trays in the freezer and in a few hours your doggie ice cream is ready to serve!



Sarge  gave it 3 paws up. He felt the peanut butter used should have been crunchy.

Doppy gave it a pawsome  4 paws!

Dinky gave it 4paws!





Peanut Honey Frosty Paws Noms

Sarge gives this a 4 paws up.

Doppy was more a 2 paws up.  He kept looking around as if waiting for a different choice to be offered but he did eat it all.

32 oz. plain yogurt
1 mashed banana
2 Tablespoons peanut butter
2 Tablespoons honey

1. Mix all these ingredients in your blender, then pour into ice cube trays or even a kong toy to freeze and serve. Be sure the mold you freeze your treat into is either 1. large enough that your dog won't be able to swallow it whole when frozen solid. or 2. Shaped, like a bone ice cube trays, with slender sections so it can be crunched easier.

2. If you want to go all out for your mutt you can freeze these  just like you would homemade ice cream. A salt-less automatic ice cream maker makes this as easy as using any other appliance in your home and the frosty paws will be ready to serve in 10 minutes.

For the ultimate treat, appropriate for desert at a doggy birthday party, follow steps one and two, then take the mostly frozen dog ice cream product of number two and spread it about 1.5 inches thick on wax paper. Freeze for 5-10 minutes and then remove from freezer. Next, use a paw shaped cookie cutter to cut a paw shaped “frosty paws”, remove ice cream around edges, and return paw shapes to the freezer to freeze solid.





Sarge and Doppy have a FB friend Sweet Pea who is a wonderful handicapable  Southern Belle,in  her honor  we have named these :

Sweet Pea's Perfectly Pawsome Pucks!

We freeze them in lids from our old mayo jars to make the puck shape.  You freeze them in the jar, put them under very gently running hot water until  the puck pops out.lay them single row on a cookie sheet and refreeze. Store by stacking with wax paper in between each puck.

32 oz. plain yogurt 1/2 apple, seeds removed. We also tried applesauce and found that it worked as well.  1/4 cup of applesauce and take out 1/4 cup of the yogurt 1 egg 1 small handful of lettuce/greens/or fresh parsley (add parsley as breath freshener) 1/2 cup fresh or frozen peas

Add first four ingredients to blender and puree well.
Add peas, pulse blender to coasely chop peas.
pour into molds and freeze.

We took these in puck form to the dog park today and no dog turned their nose up at them!  Miss Sweet Pea this one is a winner!

Minty Pear-Melon Paws

8 oz. plain yogurt 1 handful fresh mint (any variety) 1 cup melon chunks 1 pear, cored & coarsely chopped water (add as needed to get smooth consistency)

Add ingredients to blender and puree well.
pour into molds and freeze.

Lucky Leftover Bones

8 oz. water Boiled or grilled meat, any type prepared without salt/sweeteners, coarsely chopped

Fill molds halfway with water
drop chunks of meat into molds and freeze.



Now my friends as you enjoy your Rocket Pop on a hot summer day, your furry buddy can too!

Dear Blue Fairy..Can you make me real??

 DO NOT READ THIS BLOG IF YOU ARE OFFENDED AT PARTIAL NUDITY AND REVEALING PHOTOS OF WOMEN OF EVERY SHAPE AND SIZE.







So, I am sitting in Ringo's, a little hole in the wall  burger place and bar, and I over hear a couple of guys discussing the ladies sitting at the bar.  They seemed to agree that the cute little 21 year old who was probably a size 6 in the jeans and a 34 D  up top.  I over heard a comment "yeah nice and curvy...a "real" woman!  They all decided she was a "9". Now don't think I am just being jealous.  I thought she was pretty too.  And  as far as the skin tight "skinny jeans" and the  tight tank top...I say "If you  can pull the look off and you are comfy  --if you are happy wearing it by all means go ahead!  Now the men also spoke about this girl's companion. This lady was a tad bit chubbier than her friend, but she had lovely skin and hair to die for! In fact, if I had my embroidery scissors I prolly would have had the hankering to cut that and go get a wig made!  But they all agreed that this gal was "ok" but not as nice as the first gal. Then there was the third gal. This young lady was super skinny, kinda boney skinny.She had maybe a -A cup...do they come that small?  She had short hair and didn't look sickly she was just one of those ladies  who just don't have Angelina Jolee curves.  I got to thinking about how on FB I often seen people posting comments about if someone says they love you they should take you as you are.  And that just because I am over weight or have gray hair yadda yadda does not mean I am not beautiful in my own way.  It got me to thinking.  So a real woman has fairly big boobs, a thin waist line, slightly bigger hips and a nice tight butt...so what about  women with small breasts and narrow hips are considered “fake women”?  Is this like telling the difference between a real Louis Vouitton purse and a knockoff?  Who comes up with this shit? What is the definitive criteria for being considered a real woman?  How many curves are required?  Is there a minimum and/or maximum measurement of these curves that are considered requisite to being categorized as a real woman?  Are there certain areas where curves must be present and other areas where the curves are irrelevant?  Is it okay if one has narrow hips but has big boobs or big hips and no boobs?  Must you have  both?  If a flat chested, narrow hipped woman purchases boob and butt implants, does she get promoted to “real” status? What about athletic woman, like runners or swimmers?  They are typically very lean, does that make them fake?
I have some images that I need categorized; are these women real or fake:

Ok This bitch has some major curves. Is she a "real woman", even though these curves are after market upgrades?

I assume this woman falls under the "real woman" umbrella?

This woman is a cancer survivor who underwent a double mastectomy. According to the rules of what constitutes a "real woman". she is fake. Right? ( I made Janey's photo larger because quite frankly she is my hero  more blogs about her later!)

Dara Torres is a world class athlete but the saying isn't "real women have discipline and great eating and exercise habits" is it?

Real woman?

Women with untreated psychological disorders are not real?

If these are all "real women", the expression should be "real women have curves and a greater risk of heart disease and diabetes".

I am  5 feet 2 inches tall.  At my last doctor appointment I came in at 180 pounds and a size 14. (Down from 225 last December with a size 22)   I have curves to spare.  My boobs are comically large and my stomach is huge and my ass is catching up to my front.  I have many scars from various surgeries and  one bad marriage,   I just didn’t think that my measurements were the defining characteristic of  “real” womanhood.  I thought it was a vagina.  Do very thin, narrow hipped, flat chested women not have vaginas?  Does it turn into a penis or close up and become smooth, like a barbie?  Although, barbie’s actual measurements would have made her very top heavy, with a small waist and large hips, so she would have been “real” by the curves rule of thumb. I have been chunky from the time I hit puberty , but even  when I was really thin and had almost no curves, I always had my vagina.  I  think it is pretty pathetic that in this day and age, so many people (and trust me it is not  just the men, women do it to!) over look a woman's intelligence, kindness, courage, mental strength, and ability to love ..nope it seems to have nothing to do with those attributes.  Simply bra size and curves...I think that we women need to join together and change this definition.  Now, I can get behind changing the rules to “real women have vaginas”.  Let’s make it official and get t-shirts.

With Apologies to my cats......

 A little music for your enjoyment as you read.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eE3dhys7J8    

I have been doing a little thinking about the creatures who have made my home their home.

If you would be inclined to call this an opinion piece, you have an inclination to being wrong.  What I am going to explain to you is  nothing short of cold, hard facts.  I’m sorry to let the wind out of the sails of every cat lover that reads this but it is time that someone told you that you are devoting yourself to an inferior species of domesticated animal.

Let’s just start out with the most obvious reason, shall we?  Cats prefer to pee and poop in a box.  Inside your home.  Hell, they are trained to do so!  Now, how society has accepted this is beyond me.  The fact that most people can go to the homes of friends and family that own cats and remain completely oblivious to the plastic bin, usually in plain view,  that everyone knows contains cat  ppop and pee boggles the mind.  Strangely, if a dog owner were to train their dog t "due the job"  in the same corner, even if it was on paper, and it was left out when people were over, rest assured that person would be judged a bit harshly.  Dogs, on the other hand, are trained to go outside.  While accidents do happen, especially with puppies, I have yet to hear of anyone throwing in the towel and dedicating a corner of their home as the dog’s restroom.  I am just sayin…

Another point is that dogs like to sleep when you like to sleep.  They are not nocturnal creepers.  When I go to bed, my dogs go to bed–whether it is a nap or down for the night.  Cats like to creep around and they make noise, climbing curtains or “meowing” around the house.

My dogs have never been compelled to use my furniture or curtains as manicure tools.

If someone walks into my house, my dogs are going to notify me.  Okay, okay–sometimes–alright, A LOT of times, I am alerted if someone walks BY the house.  Or drives by. Or is across the street.  Or if there is a gust of wind.  Or if there is oxygen present in the room.  NEVERTHELESS!!  I know when stuff  is going down!!  When is the last time you heard of a cat alerting a family of an intruder? That is, unless you are most worried about other cats breaching your property perimeter. 

My dogs don’t go pawing around in their crap and then take a leisurely stroll across the surfaces we prepare and eat food from.  I mean, sure, they would if they could but that is neither here nor there, since they don’t.


Hairballs.  Need I say more?

 On top of all that, my dogs will kill mice and rats too.  They also kill stuffed animals but I am pretty sure that they do that in self-defense.
.

Argument over!  I win!                        

When I am a crone...

With apologies to  Jemmy Joseph (When I am an old Woman)

When I am a Crone, I shall wear my pentacle,
With dangling earrings that tickle my shoulders, and suit me just fine.
And I shall spend my savings on books and charity and wine,
And say we’ve no time to waste, and still fight against iniquity.

I shall sit at peace whenever I wish should my load grow heavy,
And reach out to my Goddess, and she shall give me the strength to go on.
I’ll push the tummies of dozens of stuffed animals to make them sing at once
And leap with abandon onto displays of beds with cushy pillows in the stores,
Laughing until the tears come, and smiling at those watching me, wishing they could do the same.

I shall go out naked in the rain to dance in the dark in my garden,
Caressed by the fragrant rosemary and lavender and patchouli,
And affirm it matters not how old I am, or what I weigh, or if my hair is grey -
Because my Goddess loves me, and I smell wonderful.

I can wear socks with patterns that don’t match my cape,
And eat three pounds of chocolate if I wish,
Or only water, almonds and apples for a week,
And hoard beads and charms and purring cats, and be called eccentric.

Still, we must have our homes, and clothes to keep us warm and dry,
And pay our bills on time, and keep our word of honor,
And so set good examples for our children
By being the best Daughters of the Goddess we can be, every day.

There is no need for me to practice at this, though…
As I have made my way and am proud of who I’ve become,
And people who know me are never too shocked and surprised by what I do,
Because they know me as a Crone, and I proudly wear my pentacle

It's a Status..NOT your Diary!!!!

I love Facebook. I am absolutely addicted. It is a great place to keep up with family and friends. It offers the chance to keep up with current events and you may even find out points of view of your friends and family that you would not have, otherwise, discovered. From news, to entertainment, to what the heck is everyone doing on Friday, it is available in one place. I like to use my personal Facebook very lightheartedly, for the most part. At least once a day, I am stunned at what people will post on their Facebook pages. I know that, for those that are diligent about their privacy settings, these postings are only viewable by their closest 387 friends but I still urge you to take a second and consider the following before you hit that “enter” key.
 
1) No one really needs to know about the activity of your bowels.
Seriously. It’s totally  gross. Whether they are inactive or overactive, it is too darn much information. What is the point of sharing this with hundreds of people?
2) Sharing about your children’s potty  habits is just as disgusting.
Telling all of your friends that little Janie’s ass exploded in her diaper and describing in any detail about how much, how far down her legs it ran or how much laundry you had to do as a result is more than we ever needed to know. I assure you, little Janie will be horrified that you shared this information one day.
3) Your friends/family don’t need to know EVERY detail about your pregnancy, labor or childbirth.
Sharing stories about cravings, bitching about weight gain or baby movements, etc is fine. You do not, however, need to tell us about things like your mucous plug, leaking breasts, bloody show, sweeping membranes or how many fingers your doctor got into your vadge during the cervical exam. Give us the abridged, family friendly version.

 

Hey! I just started my period!


4) Every random thought or action you make throughout the day.

10:30am- Just had breakfast. Oatmeal and toast. nom nom nom
10:54am- I forgot to get trash bags at the store!
11:47am – at the store, getting trash bags!
12:49pm- I love Ellen show
3:20pm- It’s hot outside.
3:32pm- wish I had a pool
4:49pm-Gotta make dinner
5:36pm-dinner smells good!
6:07pm- dinner is delicious! (complete with picture)
7:00pm- nothing on TV
8:11pm- getting tired *yawn*
8:30pm-struggling to keep eyes open
8:45pm-changed into jammies
9:02pm- going to bed. GN FB!

Is that really necessary? Why do people think that anyone wants to know every  move you make or every thought that passes through your head. If you are bored while living that stuff, what makes you think READING about it would be entertaining?"Watching the paint dry" would be more interesting. Take that to twitter!! Now do not get me wrong, I think its nice to say goodnight especially if you are interacting with people, but...do I have have to have the previous 3 statements about you being tired??

5) Your relationship drama
You can’t wait to kissy and cuddle your hunky schmoopy poo? Don’t post that on his/her Facebook page, mmmkay??. Send it in a text or make a personal phone call.  Why do you think the world needs to be privy to this ridiculousness? Keep the pillow talk to yourselves, especially if it involves baby talk and stupid pet names.  My favorites are those that have to say “cuddling with the hubby and watching a movie”. Here’s a novel idea: Why don’t you put down your iPad or smart phone and actually spend time with your significant other. Facebook will still be there in 92 minutes when your movie is over!


On the other side of the same coin, there is couples drama. Now, I won’t go so far as to discourage this because, well, it is totally entertaining. If you want to hash out your disagreement for everyone to see, I won’t tell you to stop. I’m going to pop some popcorn and sit back and hope for fireworks! Put on a good show and I will even ‘like’ my favorite comments. Consider those clicks to be my votes for the ‘winner’ of the argument. (Don’t mistake my amusement or participation for approval. You are making complete asses of yourselves. I, like most other people, just can’t take my eyes off a train wreck.


6) How BUSY, BUSY you are.
You’ve posted three statuses in 2 hours about how you have so much work to do, so much paperwork, so much organizing, you never have enough time to get anything done because the boss, or your homework or your kids have you completely overwhelmed and you barely have time to take a potty break. In between posting those status updates and comments, you have achieved a new high score in Bejeweled, shared some Youtube funnies and commented on pictures from last weekend.

7) Vaguebook posts
I have a couple of friends that are notorious for this one. (coughAmandacough) The status usually is three words or less and leaves you wondering what the heck they are referring to and if they are in some sort of distress. Some examples are:
“THIS ISN’T HAPPENING!” (which you later find out was a response to the American Idol results show)
“Wow. Just wow.” (turns out, some one cut them off in the parking lot of work)


8)Using facebook to blow up someone's life:This is not the Maury show, you shouldn’t (or should you?) use Facebook to tell the man you slept with that the baby is or isn’t his. This actually happened. Let’s say a guy, “Kevin”, cheated on his girlfriend with another woman, “Tonya.” Tonya ends up pregnant – but due to her also sleeping around, she doesn’t know who the father is. Eventually, she used Facebook to tell Kevin that the baby wasn’t his. Just all-of-a-sudden, right there on his wall one night, “The baby isn’t yours.” I guess since it was ‘good news’, it would be okay to use Facebook? Kinda like the GYN, mails you a totally-easy-to-sneak-read card if it’s okay, but makes a personal phone call if it’s bad. – Better yet, it turns out it WAS Kevin’s baby, which she later posted, also on his page. Their wedding is in a couple of months. I couldn’t make this shit up.Kevin’s mother is very happy for the couple. No, really, she is. I’m being serious. Other family members have told her the details, but she is acting like it’s the best thing he world. Meanwhile, her other son is a ‘disappointment’ since, you know, he’s living with a girl before he marries her.

Have I left anything out????