It's a Status..NOT your Diary!!!!

I love Facebook. I am absolutely addicted. It is a great place to keep up with family and friends. It offers the chance to keep up with current events and you may even find out points of view of your friends and family that you would not have, otherwise, discovered. From news, to entertainment, to what the heck is everyone doing on Friday, it is available in one place. I like to use my personal Facebook very lightheartedly, for the most part. At least once a day, I am stunned at what people will post on their Facebook pages. I know that, for those that are diligent about their privacy settings, these postings are only viewable by their closest 387 friends but I still urge you to take a second and consider the following before you hit that “enter” key.
 
1) No one really needs to know about the activity of your bowels.
Seriously. It’s totally  gross. Whether they are inactive or overactive, it is too darn much information. What is the point of sharing this with hundreds of people?
2) Sharing about your children’s potty  habits is just as disgusting.
Telling all of your friends that little Janie’s ass exploded in her diaper and describing in any detail about how much, how far down her legs it ran or how much laundry you had to do as a result is more than we ever needed to know. I assure you, little Janie will be horrified that you shared this information one day.
3) Your friends/family don’t need to know EVERY detail about your pregnancy, labor or childbirth.
Sharing stories about cravings, bitching about weight gain or baby movements, etc is fine. You do not, however, need to tell us about things like your mucous plug, leaking breasts, bloody show, sweeping membranes or how many fingers your doctor got into your vadge during the cervical exam. Give us the abridged, family friendly version.

 

Hey! I just started my period!


4) Every random thought or action you make throughout the day.

10:30am- Just had breakfast. Oatmeal and toast. nom nom nom
10:54am- I forgot to get trash bags at the store!
11:47am – at the store, getting trash bags!
12:49pm- I love Ellen show
3:20pm- It’s hot outside.
3:32pm- wish I had a pool
4:49pm-Gotta make dinner
5:36pm-dinner smells good!
6:07pm- dinner is delicious! (complete with picture)
7:00pm- nothing on TV
8:11pm- getting tired *yawn*
8:30pm-struggling to keep eyes open
8:45pm-changed into jammies
9:02pm- going to bed. GN FB!

Is that really necessary? Why do people think that anyone wants to know every  move you make or every thought that passes through your head. If you are bored while living that stuff, what makes you think READING about it would be entertaining?"Watching the paint dry" would be more interesting. Take that to twitter!! Now do not get me wrong, I think its nice to say goodnight especially if you are interacting with people, but...do I have have to have the previous 3 statements about you being tired??

5) Your relationship drama
You can’t wait to kissy and cuddle your hunky schmoopy poo? Don’t post that on his/her Facebook page, mmmkay??. Send it in a text or make a personal phone call.  Why do you think the world needs to be privy to this ridiculousness? Keep the pillow talk to yourselves, especially if it involves baby talk and stupid pet names.  My favorites are those that have to say “cuddling with the hubby and watching a movie”. Here’s a novel idea: Why don’t you put down your iPad or smart phone and actually spend time with your significant other. Facebook will still be there in 92 minutes when your movie is over!


On the other side of the same coin, there is couples drama. Now, I won’t go so far as to discourage this because, well, it is totally entertaining. If you want to hash out your disagreement for everyone to see, I won’t tell you to stop. I’m going to pop some popcorn and sit back and hope for fireworks! Put on a good show and I will even ‘like’ my favorite comments. Consider those clicks to be my votes for the ‘winner’ of the argument. (Don’t mistake my amusement or participation for approval. You are making complete asses of yourselves. I, like most other people, just can’t take my eyes off a train wreck.


6) How BUSY, BUSY you are.
You’ve posted three statuses in 2 hours about how you have so much work to do, so much paperwork, so much organizing, you never have enough time to get anything done because the boss, or your homework or your kids have you completely overwhelmed and you barely have time to take a potty break. In between posting those status updates and comments, you have achieved a new high score in Bejeweled, shared some Youtube funnies and commented on pictures from last weekend.

7) Vaguebook posts
I have a couple of friends that are notorious for this one. (coughAmandacough) The status usually is three words or less and leaves you wondering what the heck they are referring to and if they are in some sort of distress. Some examples are:
“THIS ISN’T HAPPENING!” (which you later find out was a response to the American Idol results show)
“Wow. Just wow.” (turns out, some one cut them off in the parking lot of work)


8)Using facebook to blow up someone's life:This is not the Maury show, you shouldn’t (or should you?) use Facebook to tell the man you slept with that the baby is or isn’t his. This actually happened. Let’s say a guy, “Kevin”, cheated on his girlfriend with another woman, “Tonya.” Tonya ends up pregnant – but due to her also sleeping around, she doesn’t know who the father is. Eventually, she used Facebook to tell Kevin that the baby wasn’t his. Just all-of-a-sudden, right there on his wall one night, “The baby isn’t yours.” I guess since it was ‘good news’, it would be okay to use Facebook? Kinda like the GYN, mails you a totally-easy-to-sneak-read card if it’s okay, but makes a personal phone call if it’s bad. – Better yet, it turns out it WAS Kevin’s baby, which she later posted, also on his page. Their wedding is in a couple of months. I couldn’t make this shit up.Kevin’s mother is very happy for the couple. No, really, she is. I’m being serious. Other family members have told her the details, but she is acting like it’s the best thing he world. Meanwhile, her other son is a ‘disappointment’ since, you know, he’s living with a girl before he marries her.

Have I left anything out????