Potatoes teaching us about hate

A kindergarten teacher has decided to let her class play a game. 


The teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes. 

Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates, so the number of potatoes that a child will put in his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates. 

So when the day came, every child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes; some 3 while some up to 5 potatoes. The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they go (even to the toilet) for 1 week. 

Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags. After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended....

The teacher asked: "How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week?". The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go. 

Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game. The teacher said: "This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime???" 

Moral of the story:

Throw away any hatred for anyone from your heart so that you will not carry sins for a lifetime. 
Forgiving others is the best attitude to take! 
True love is not loving a perfect person 
but loving an imperfect person perfectly!!

I dream of Dragons

The perception of what is small is the secret of clear sightedness; the guarding of what is soft and tender is the secret of strength. --Lao Tzu

I love to read.  Books have opened doors to many worlds for me, but I have also, discovered that I enjoy making up the stories in my head. It is a habit I have practiced nightly.

Usually, it begins with a dream I find particularly compelling. As I lie in bed recalling the dream the next night, I work out its cast of characters, how the story should begin, and how it should progress. I am always the hero, and no story ever ends...it fades away when a new dream sparks a new story. That way, I can pick up an old story if I think of something new to add to it.

These days I'm Tailyanker, dragon slayer. Except that's just my cover. See, back in the day, humanity saw the majesty, power, and intelligence of dragons and honored them with gifts, thinking this would bring them good luck. The dragons thought the gift giving was utterly illogical, wasteful even, because they had no use for gold, diamonds, crowns, or necklaces too small for them to wear. But they accepted these presents because it would have been rude not to. 

Unfortunately, good luck doesn't actually exist, so when Jack lost his ass on a bad investment in a seed company and Peter's crop of peppers failed (the only thing he planted that year because "they were going to be huge!") and Hansel and Gretel were arrested for burglary and capital murder, they were a little nonplussed. Naturally, none of their problems were actually their fault. Oh, no, it must be the dragons, and just why were they expected to give dragons treasure in exchange for luck, anyway? Something had to be done. 

So they began a smear campaign, and the persecution of dragons commenced. 

That's where I come in. Admittedly, I haven't done much work on the back story (gotta leave gaps to fill in for tomorrow night) so I don't know how I got entangled in this mess, but I know right from wrong and I deplore injustice. So I went in search of the legendary Xpthxzyphnmcz to hatch a plan. Dragon language is unpronounceable to humans, we lack the proper vocal muscles, so you can call him Binky. 

Binky is an electric dragon...his defense is lightning which strikes with surprising accuracy, and his serpentine skin pops and crackles with static. His strangely orange, soulful eyes are home to solar systems, and you can see them when he's curled up resting and at human-eye level to marvel that other sentient beings might be alive on the planets that dot his irides (sorry, can't go back on my Latin roots).

But plans are never easy in fairy tales. First, the hero has to descend into the underworld because stigmatized dragons aren't very trusting. They want proof you're legit. I had to do things...things you don't want to know about...things you shouldn't ask me about (because I haven't made up those parts yet, either). 

I've got mad skillz. So once I had the dragons' trust, I turned them all into house pets (mice, hamsters, cats, dogs, hedgehogs, geckos...those things that are Lao Tzu small) and hid them from vengeful humans forever...right under their noses. How brilliant is that?

Binky  happens to be a grey and white cat. If you want to see the dragon come out, step on his tail. Actually, don't do that. And don't pet his long fur while you're sitting next to the furnace in the winter because you'll see what I mean by electricity and it won't be pleasant for either of you. 

In exchange for protection, the dragons pay me a tithe every year, and I spend three months collecting it from their various lairs all over the world, which leads to all sorts of adventures. In one, I had to save all of y'all from a horrific creature far worse than a basilisk that was going to turn you into stone. You're welcome. 

Tailyanker is basically me: keenly fashionable but with messy hair, kind to animals, loyal to friends, and quick with a defense when wronged. But for a long time, Tailyanker had something I thought I desperately needed.

Fearlessness.

She could hop on a dragon, fly all over the world, collect adventures like they were jewelry, slay demons, rescue kittens...all while I lay in bed in the safety of my little room thinking it all up. 

I couldn't do the things Taily did for one simple reason.

Fear.

For 48 years, I couldn't get on a dragon or a plane without getting physically ill, , take the elevator above the 10th floor, step foot in a glass elevator, look out the window of any room above the 5th story.

I had lived that way since I was a teen and fell out of a tree picking apples.

Okay, that's not true. I DIDN'T know why. The beauty of growing older is that we get smarter (well, most people do). I understand something I didn't understand mere months ago.

Fear is a choice.

Case in point. Several years ago, a friend  and I were in a rear-end collision. I remember every detail vividly. I saw  tje car coming at us from behind, not slowing down.  My very pregnant friend and I were stopped at a red light and I just happened to look in the rear view mirror.. Bracing my elbows against the back of the seat. Thinking, "This is going to hurt." The feeling of the air bag punching me in the chest. My vision obscured briefly by the bag's fabric. The acrid smell of the smoke emitted from the dashboard. Rolling  into a ditch. Quickly unlatching the seat belt. My friend clutching her stomach.  She left in an ambulance but was ok.  Three weeks later giving birth to a beautiful son.

In all of that, I did not at any time experience fear.

I didn't experience ANY emotion because I didn't have time to.

See, I've come to think that emotions are like orchids that need a lot of tending: if you ignore them, they die.

On the one hand, that's a bad thing because if you forget to take care of your love, it can fade away. On the other hand, if you want to kill your fear, all you have to do is stop watering it.

And I should know.

I am no longer afraid of flying. It helped that I wanted to go to meet my inlaws so bad that I was willing to do anything and that my new husband cluctched my sweaty hand the entire flight. But, ultimately, what it really came down to was deciding that I wasn't afraid anymore.

So, several  flights later, I'm planning my next trip to visit my new family whom I quickly  fell in love with, and I'm thinking about the beautiful dragon turning away from the terminal, firing up her jets, racing down the runway. And that miraculous moment when she leaves the earth...she has left fear behind, she has left what is known behind, she has left all that could weigh her down. She is in the sun rocketing ever closer to the future, to what can be.

She is Tailyanker, and she is April...and she is a Dragon.

Living with Pain

I am in some level of pain every day. Some days it is at atomic levels and just trying to take a step causes pain that shatters me and literally stops me.  On these days when pain in my damaged back, hips and feet all I can do is sit in my recliner and count the minutes of every hour I wait for it to settle down.  The pain meds do not provide much relief on those days.. While other days it is just a tickle of discomfort in various areas of my body, most often my back and hip. I am grateful for the tickle days as it frees up some energy so I can invest in things that I love. Although rare, I do have pain free moments and those are a great gift.

I view pain much like I view my ego. It is there chattering away and doing its best to bring me down. Over the years, I thought fighting, being angry, and resisting the pain would somehow scare it away, which as you can imagine never happened. I have since decided to accept that pain is part of my experience in this life, and although some days it overcomes me, I do my best not to succumb to its darkness.

I am writing this because I am just coming out of two weeks of intense daily pain which included several falls and damaging the pressure sores on my feet.. As I look back, a moment vividly returns. I was in excruciating, blinding pain attempting to make my husbands lunch for work.  I would lay my head on the counter, take a few deep breaths and attempt to put together his sandwich. I pushed through long enough to get him on his  way and then retreated back to bed. This moment reminded me that our struggles can provide such profound learning and discovery.

This is my perspective of how pain has offered me the following character traits I have developed :

1. Determination

For anyone who has been in a twelve round boxing match with pain it can feel like an eternity of blows up against the ropes. What I have learned in my own pain journey is that there is always an opening to strike back. Sometimes it doesn’t show up until the 12th round, but the opening always appears. It takes determination and perseverance to stay in the game and wait for the break, despite the risk of blows. Pain has given me a fighting spirit and I will never give up on life.

2. Stop and slow down

Pain forces me to stop and prioritize. I cannot complete everything that I desire when I am struggling with pain, and therefore I have to pick and choose the most important things in order to survive the day. Pain has given me the gift of taking a step back and investing in what matters rather than just checking off the to do list boxes mindlessly. Pain forces me to slow things down, allows me opportunities to be mindful, and gives me access to presence.

3. Awareness

I am very aware of what is happening in my body at all times. Living with chronic pain has opened me up to an acute sense of awareness and it has also given me a curious spirit when in the presence of others. I understand that there may be much going on behind the surface because most of us who live with chronic pain look 'normal' and healthy, when in reality the suffering is great. With awareness comes a new perspective: compassion and empathy for others and for myself.

4. Gratitude

Living with chronic pain is hard and at times it has worn me down. I admit I have struggled with bouts of depression and often succumb to negativity during the really rough times. What I have noticed over the years is that I am grateful for the pain because it gives me the opportunity to really notice and appreciate the less painful days. I drink in the moments that I can play with my animals  or engage in physical activities without pain. I am grateful that I am able to live fully in the days of less pain. Taking a moment to reflect on what I am grateful for connects me to what matters and this is when I am most present.

Pain is not my enemy. It is my teacher.