Depression and other emotional disorders:

Why is it, that in today’s society, people must feel ashamed to say that they suffer with a mental illness?  It’s not their fault…it is a medical disorder.  Unfortunately it is often times slow to be recognized, especially in teens and young adults.  We blow off the symptoms as “just part of growing up” or the people themselves just hide their feelings, for fear of being “labled” as defective.
Even when they do go for help, it usually takes several attempts with different medications to find the right prescription that will work for that individual, and sometimes they just give up, thinking that they can’t “be fixed.”  Then too, the medications themselves often have such awful side effects, or atleast the reputation as having awful side effects that they do not want to take them.  There are so many mental diseases out there, depression, anxiety, ptsd, bipolar, schizophrenia…many others.  The brain is still a bit of a mystery even to the scientists that have devoted their lives to figuring it out…so, of course how could a teen or young adult figure out their feelings?  Even with a very supportive family, people can frequently feel isolated and alone.  They won’t share their feelings or fears with their loved ones.  They suffer in silence. 

My thoughts and prayers are with tall families who have or are dealing with mental illness.  I am pasting below the symptoms of depression as written by the Mayo Clinic.  Please, if you or anyone you know have these symptoms…don’t be afraid or ashamed.  Call your family doctor or go to the hospital.  There is help.  Life can be better.

Symptoms

By Mayo Clinic staff
Depression symptoms include:

• Feelings of sadness or unhappiness
• Irritability or frustration, even over small matters
• Loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities
• Reduced sex drive
• Insomnia or excessive sleeping
• Changes in appetite — depression often causes decreased appetite and weight loss, but in some people it causes increased cravings for food and weight gain
• Agitation or restlessness — for example, pacing, hand-wringing or an inability to sit still
• Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
• Indecisiveness, distractibility and decreased concentration
• Fatigue, tiredness and loss of energy — even small tasks may seem to require a lot of effort
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself when things aren’t going right
• Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
• Frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide
• Crying spells for no apparent reason
• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

For some people, depression symptoms are so severe that it’s obvious something isn’t right. Others people feel generally miserable or unhappy without really knowing why.
Depression affects each person in different ways, so depression symptoms vary from person to person. Inherited traits, age, gender and cultural background all play a role in how depression may affect you.
Depression symptoms in children and teens
Common symptoms of depression can be a little different in children and teens than they are in adults.

• In younger children, symptoms of depression may include sadness, irritability, hopelessness and worry.
• Symptoms in adolescents and teens may include anxiety, anger and avoidance of social interaction.
• Changes in thinking and sleep are common signs of depression in adolescents and adults, but are not as common in younger children.
• In children and teens, depression often occurs along with behavior problems and other mental health conditions, such as anxiety or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Depression symptoms in older adults
Depression is not a normal part of growing older, and most seniors feel satisfied with their lives. However, depression can and does occur in older adults. Unfortunately it often goes undiagnosed and untreated. Many adults with depression feel reluctant to seek help when they’re feeling down.

• In older adults, depression may go undiagnosed because symptoms — for example, fatigue, loss of appetite, sleep problems or loss of interest in sex — may seem to be caused by other illnesses
• Older adults with depression may say they feel dissatisfied with life in general, bored, helpless or worthless. They may always want to stay at home, rather than going out to socialize or doing new things.
• Suicidal thinking or feelings in older adults is a sign of serious depression that should never be taken lightly, especially in men. Of all people with depression, older adult men are at the highest risk of suicide.

When to see a doctor
If you feel depressed, make an appointment to see your doctor as soon as you can. Depression symptoms may not get better on their own — and depression may get worse if it isn’t treated. Untreated depression can lead to other mental and physical health problems or problems in other areas of your life. Feelings of depression can also lead to suicide.
If you’re reluctant to seek treatment, talk to a friend or loved one, a health care professional, a faith leader, or someone else you trust.
If you have suicidal thoughts
If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, get help right away. Here are some steps you can take:

• Contact a family member or friend.
• Seek help from your doctor, a mental health provider or other health care professional.
• Call a suicide hot line number — in the United States, you can reach the toll-free, 24-hour hot line of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 to talk to a trained counselor.
• Contact a minister, spiritual leader or someone in your faith community.

When to get emergency help
If you think you may hurt yourself or attempt suicide, call 911 or your local emergency number immediately. If you have a loved one who has harmed himself or herself, or is seriously considering doing so, make sure someone stays with that person. Take him or her to the hospital or call for emergency help.
Of course the other illnesses have their own symptoms, if you have any feelings of suicide, anxiety, depression, worry or stress that seems out of control or is affecting how you live…please call your doctor.

In the still of the night..I hear my own tears....

Well, it’s after 11am, and I just woke up…and don’t want to be up now.  This is a regular occurance due to my chronic pain issues.  Maybe I should just entitle this blog “A day in the life of a pain stricken woman”  The pain is sometimes so intense…you can’t take a deep breath, you can’t move, you can’t even cry.  That was last night.  It feels very much like there is a knife in your belly just moving around cutting and jabbing at your innerds…alongside a blowtorch that is joining in on the fun.  Then add to that the spasming of your feet a the nerves, damaged by a lifetime of diabetes, pulse and throb with each heart beat and the fire that burns in the small of  your back the best  you can do is stare at the clock and hope relief will come soon.

On these many nights being on the pain rollercoaster, I try to read or do needle crafts…if I can concentrate through the pain.  Or surf the net trying to find pain control ideas.  Or just lay and pray.  Alot of praying.  Trying to make “deals with my deity”…you know, like “Please Goddess..just end the pain that I am in!  If I am not doing any good on Earth, please just take me home with you!”…so far She hasn’t taken me up on that offer, so either She believes I am or will be of some good on this Earth.  I try the meditation techniques…the deep breathing is hard because it hurts to take really deep breaths…but I do what I can.  Visualization is nice…I picture laying on a warm sandy beach with the waves lapping at the shore, smelling the salty air, sipping a cold margarita, watching the tanned surfer dudesssssssssssss…uh ahmmmm….never mind….lol.

These nights of pain are very lonely. VERY lonely.  I sometimes feel like I am the only person on the planet dealing with this suffering.  I know of course that I am not, but at night it sure feels that way.  I have friends on facebook  who also suffer with various chronic pain conditions…and I thank the Goddess for them everyday!  This is why the computer has become my lifeline in a sense…they are the only people I “know” who are like me.  With only two exceptions, No one in my real world suffers with the intense pain that I do on a daily basis.

 Pain year after year changes you as a person.  You have to live differently.  You can’t always do what you want to do when you want to do it.  You are a slave to your pain.  You may want to go take a walk…but your body says “No way sweetie!”…you may want to go shopping, and you DO!  Then about 20 minutes in your body goes “PUNISHMENT TIME!” and there you are, standing in the middle of WalMart with a cart of stuff and you suddenly can’t move due to the pain…so you stand there with this look of constipation, not moving…sweat breaks out…you begin to panic, wondering how you will manage to walk up to the registers and check out…or just ditch the cart and get to the car…I feel embarrassed…like others are staring at me…so anxiety kicks in, the adrenaline makes me move slowly to the register as if nothing is wrong with me…I check out and make it to my car and start to cry as I drive home…and cry all the way…not caring that the people in cars beside me can see.

On the days or nights when I am having a pity party…I feel like living with “Invisible Diseases” is very different from other ailments…If I have my legs amputated….people can see it and feel empathy…if you have cancer people KNOW what that means.  But with Adhesions, Fibro, Antiphospholipid Syndrome, Neuropathy, tendinitis, plantar faciitis, hernias, degenerative disk disease, arthritis, migraines, diabetes….people can’t SEE these illnesses…they may not even know of them…and when you are like me, who have more than one of those ailments you feel like a lonely little freakshow, that no one understands.  I often get mad at The God and the Goddess, , I am ashamed to say…and I scream “Why me? Why do you hate me? Why so many health problems at once? “…I keep feeling there is a reason for all this physical suffering….and I am on the path to figuring that out.  I could deal with most of the issues…it’s the damaged nerves and joints that cause me the most horrible pain….but, as just about everyone  says, Your Gods  wouldn’t let me deal with all this trauma if he didn’t think I could handle it…so they  must REALLY have confidence in my inner strength!  lol!

I just dream of being normal again.  Of being able to make plans with friends a few days in advance, and not having to cancel due to pain levels…you do that enough with friends, and they stop trying to make plans with youl.  Tired of being asked “How you feelin today?”…because the way I feel rarely changes…although there are “tolerable days” “bad days” and “horrible days” so I guess I have  a few to choose from.  I wish I c ould eat a big juicy steak with corn on the cob followed up by a huge slice of strawberry pie washed down with pure sweet southern tea.   I wish I didn’t need the scooter , wheel chair or power chair to move..  I wish I didn’t have to swallow 11 pills or more every day.  I wish I could be more active, without suffering afterwards.  I wish my belly didn’t buldge out.  I wish even SOME of the pain would go away!

I worry too about the consequences of taking all these meds I am on.  I am only 46 years old…taking all these pills for the next 30 years isn’t gonna make my liver very happy…not to mention, my body will build up a tolerance to these pain meds…then what happens?  I am on really strong doses already…what do we go to in 10 or 20 years?  It’s these things and more that fill my mind at night.  But, then its daylight again…I suck it up and pretend to be one of the “normals” and go on with life.  There are people out there worse off than me for sure.  Atleast I have a roof over my head, food to eat, family/friends, clothes, and this computer to keep me in touch with friends!  With all this crap that I whine about, I do know that I have much to be thankful for and I thank tmy God  and Goddess each and everyday for all of it.  I guess my deal is, I just wish for a way to make others understand what people with invisible illnesses are dealing with…little daily activities that some take for granted…are a struggle for us…shaving your legs, getting in and out of the  car, getting clothes in and out of the washer/dryer, standing and doing dishes, carrying a case of soda, going to the bathroom (yes I just told that), walking for more than 5 minutes, picking up small children/animals, reaching for something above your head, bending to pick up something off the floor, pushing a vacuum, dancing, just getting up from bed (I must roll onto my side and grab the rail to pull myself up), blowing your nose, sneezing, crying…and worst of all laughing.  I love to laugh…and now when I do…it brings physical pain.  I used to laugh until I cried…now I try to avoid that, because it hurts so much.  .I still laugh of course…and once in awhile even to the point of tears…but its painful.

I keep looking ahead though.  The future is gonna be better.  I learn ways of dealing with all of it.  I know when to rest (mostly)…luckily I love to read and play on the puter!  I am learning to not mind being a “homebody” for some people that would be unbearable. I try to focus on my wonderful husband and the family he brought into my life.  They accept me as I am even with the limitations, love me and support me, not everyone has that.  I am not alone, even in the night I can hear my Mutty breathe next to me, reach out and rub my leg letting me know that while he might be sleeping he is there with me if I really need him.  I have more than once woken him up because I was hurting and just needed him to sit with me for a while or to take a day off work to spend it in the house with me simply because I could not bear being home alone that day.  I have a wonderful friend who also suffers from a silent illness that makes time every day to see how I am and does not get upset if I have to cancel an event due to my disabilities.  She dropped her life to be with me when we thought the surgeon was going to take my leg.  She climbed onto the bed and sat holding me as I cried my heart out --weeks and months of being in and out of the hospital with 8 different surgeries finally becoming just too much to deal with.

So, that’s how I will end this blog.  I don't know if I will push the publish button sometimes that is scarier than the pain--opening up and saying to the people who only see the side of you that pretends all is well all the time is really a fake costume just like my Halloween Witch Outfit.  Opening myself up to be torn apart by people who don't understand or who think they are better than I am because I cannot work anymore--if I could I would be right back out there working 60 hours a week and loving every minute of it but  when your body is breaking down and you can no longer stand up without having to talk yourself into it then it is time to consider the safety of those around you in the workplace and sometimes that means saying goodbye to co-workers and in my case, patients whom I dearly loved.  Sometimes a person needs to surrender and accept. Surrender comes when y ou no longer ask, “Why is this happening to me?”  Acceptance of the unacceptable is the greatest source of grace in this world.I am not quite graceful yet, but I am trying to work towards it.  Slowly and painfully.

To bomb or not to bomb; that is no longer the question.

If you are a pet owner you will probably already know that the spring and summer are when the flea population multiplies. Fleas are annoying and can irritate and bite both you and your pet which can lead to scabs and skin lesions. Fleas are the most troublesome in the spring and summer as this is when they begin breeding outside and start jumping around the grass eventually making their way into your home. If you have an indoor pet you are still likely to develop a flea problem on your furniture, carpet and pet. There are many different ways to get rid of fleas but as a pet owner, I have a concern for using a chemical-based product due to the potential toxins this creates in the house. Looking up information on the Internet about how to get rid of fleas naturally inside my home has lead me to a simple and inexpensive remedy. Salt and baking soda was something I stumbled upon and thought that this was an inexpensive and safe way to remove fleas, but I was very skeptical of this. If you have a flea problem in your house and want safe alternatives to get rid of them, using salt and baking soda might just be a solution. Salt and baking soda are two common household items that you can find just about anywhere and you can get them both for about 4 dollars. It is a good idea to buy the bigger containers of salt, any kind will work but Morton's is one of the best brands of salt for this flea treatment. For this natural indoor flea remedy you are going to also need a broom so you can push the salt and baking soda into the carpet. Using natural remedies to kill fleas in the carpet is something I was interested in since most flea products are toxic chemicals. When you have a flea infestation in your home it can really become a nuisance because they multiply within days and can get all over your furniture and bedding. To eliminate fleas from your home you need to remove them from your carpets while killing the eggs and the adult fleas as well. A lot of products do not end up killing both the adult flea and the eggs but baking soda and salt seems to really work. You can mix the two products together in a container or you can apply them separately to your carpet which is what I ended up doing. You also want to remove your pet from the areas you are going to treat especially if your pet likes to lay on the carpet. A pet on the carpet of the treated areas might become irritated and have a burning sensation occur on their fur if they have open flea bites coming in contact with the salt.
The first thing you want to do when you are using the baking soda and salt treatment to kill fleas is remove all of your furniture from the carpet you want to treat. Take the salt first and sprinkle it fairly heavily onto your carpets going from right to left, applying liberally. I used about one-third of the big salt container for each flea-removal application so depending on the size and number of carpets you treat will determine how much salt to use. Make sure you cover the whole room in a light salt drizzle so that you will be killing the fleas from every aspect of the carpet. Then you want to use the same process for the baking soda, applying liberally from one corner of the room to the next corner. You do not need to use as much baking soda since it can be a hassle when it comes time to using the broom but you want to make sure you sprinkle it throughout the carpet. Once you have both products on the carpet, take your broom and sweep from right to left so that your carpet is absorbing the salt and baking soda. The key to killing the flea eggs is to get deep into the carpet fibers where the flea eggs are most likely to be so make sure you sweep firmly into the carpet. You can leave this flea treatment on your carpet anywhere from 12 hours to a week depending how severe the flea infestation is inside your home.
The salt and baking soda works by basically dehydrating the flea and eggs so they are unable to survive, which will eventually kill them. Since flea eggs hatch within about three days, it is important you keep repeating the salt and baking soda treatment everyday for at least three to four days. Personally, I would put the concoction together on the carpet in the evening and leave it overnight until the next afternoon but it can be done at any time within the day. After you have left the treatment on the carpet for a while, you need to vacuum the fleas up so that you can get rid of the dying or dead and start the process over again. If you are using a vacuum that has a bag with it, you need to empty the bag or throw the bag away immediately following the cleaning. Using a debris canister on a bagless vacuum is easier than throwing away bags but again you should empty the contents immediately following the cleaning. You want to throw away the contents of the vacuum outside in your trash can as opposed to the one in the house because fleas will jump out of the inside trash can and infest your carpets all over again. When you are vacuuming it is important to use the tile setting or bare floors setting because you want the vacuum to get deep into your carpets, even if this makes it hard to push the vacuum.
If you repeat this process for about four days or a week, you will be one step closer to getting rid of the fleas for good. I have been doing this for a week and after being reluctant to drizzle salt all over I have realized it really does work. The only bad thing about it is that when you apply the salt and baking soda, it makes the fleas very active since they are trying to get away from the treatment. During the treatment on the carpet, you might want to wear slippers or shoes because the fleas will end up jumping on your legs left and right. This process does work however it will not essentially kill all of the fleas. The most important aspect of killing fleas is vacuuming the carpet everyday whether you use a natural remedy or not. The salt and baking soda flea treatment is great because it is not toxic to people or pets and it is very inexpensive to buy. Products like Raid cost about eight dollars for a spray bottle and might only last for one application depending on the amount of carpet you have. Raid and similar products are also very toxic and can harm both you and your pet if ingested or inhaled which is a common concern for people with an indoor pet. Using salt and baking soda is actually one of the best natural ways to get rid of fleas because it kills both the flea and egg so reproduction is not likely. If you are looking for a safe, natural and inexpensive way to get rid of fleas in your home and on your carpet, then this is something you should start doing.